Grief and Homicide

Many who experience the Homicide of someone they love, find it difficult to comprehend that their loved one was murdered.   Murder does not make sense.   Our minds demand information and answers that are too great for us to process and store.   We question everything about the events leading up to the murder.   Wondering what if this had happened, what if something else had not.   Nothing prepares families for the trauma and grief of homicide. You may find that methods you normally use to cope no longer work.

Suicidal Thoughts

Some people may question why they should continue to live when a loved one was murdered.

While suicidal thoughts are not uncommon, you should seek professional help and support if you or someone you know are having thoughts of self-harm or killing themselves.

If you or someone else is in immediate danger

dial 911 for immediate help.

If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide speak to someone immediately. If you do not have a family doctor or counsellor who you can contact, Call the 24 hour Distress Line at 780 482 HELP (4357). You may also contact the Canada Suicide Prevention Service Hours: Available 24 hours for calls; Available 4 PM—12 AM ET for texts. Call or text 1-833-456-4566 SMS: 45645

Initially, many people say they experienced:

  1. Shaking, chills, nausea, weakness, and a dry mouth.

  2. Denial that this has happened.   Denial is a protective response and is your body helping you process happened.

  3. Anger / Rage / Hysteria

  4. Overwhelmed & unable to cope

  5. Feeling there was something that could or should have been done to change the outcome

Anxiety is something many people experience it is common to feel you cannot cope.

  1. Feelings of helplessness,

  2. No control of the situation, you cannot change of fix what has happened

For those whose loved one was murdered grief is different from anything they previously have experienced.  

Physical Symptoms

Over time, the shock and trauma of a homicide can cause physical symptoms and harm. Contact a health professional, If you begin to experience prolonged:

  1. Changes in appetite - Overeating; binge eating. Under-eating, loss of appetite.

  2. Sleep disturbances - Oversleeping; difficulty falling asleep or awakening in the night, an inability to get started/ motivated for another day.  Lack of sleep; nightmares, dreaming about the loss; interrupted sleep.

  3. Exaggeration of other physical situations: Blood pressure, diabetes, allergies, digestive and stomach problems, headaches/migraines.

Family feelings

The overwhelming nature of a murder may cause family members to shut down and cope in their own way.   This may cause a breakdown in the family communication and mutual support.

Blame and placement of guilt are common reactions as we question what they or other family members could have done to prevent the murder.

Social support may be withdrawn due to the stigma of murder, which tends to blame and assign guilt to the victim, their family or close friends.

Extreme anger and rage can be felt by the survivors along with intense desires for revenge and retribution.   These feelings often convince survivors that they are “losing it”.